Ministry of Lost Souls
by Enjorous
Summary: What if that when Bella jumps, Edward doesn't tell her not to - he encourages her. And what if it isn't Jacob that pulls her from the sea, what if it's Alice.
1. Prologue: The Water's Edge

The Water's Edge

The stiff wind continued over the ocean, bringing with it the harsh chill from Alaska's air and the stinging saltiness of the Pacific Ocean. Menacing grey waves continued their ceaseless assault against the great granite cliffs, wearily holding the sea at bay. Atop one of these cliffs a young woman stood with her toes to the edge, casting a longing look into the turbulent waters below. Her eyes, red from crying, seemed drawn by the swirling tide. She took a few deep breaths, stepping a few paces back from the edge she collapsed down onto the rocky shore. The sand and rocks bit into her skin through the old jeans she was wearing. She didn't mind the dull pain as the rocks pressed against her skin; it was oddly comforting to feel something, even pain. The pain reminded her that she was alive; even if she didn't want to be.

She squeezed her eyes shut hoping that she could see his face, once more. She was close to doing something reckless; standing at the edge of a cliff with her lack of grace was a fatal tragedy waiting to happen. But still there was nothing, no glimmer of his face, not resonance of his voice, not a wisp of his breath. Everything that she'd come to expect from him when she did something stupid and reckless was gone. In its place was the empty void that her life had become. Once again she felt worthless; the man she loved had abandoned her. Fresh tears started streaming down her face, as she listened to the roar of the water below her.

A soft breeze, so different from the harsh wind, swept over the cliff and gently lifted loose stands her hair and brought them behind her ear. In that instant her eyes snapped open and were met with the warm golden eyes of the man she thought had completely left her, even in her mind. At that same moment she knew it wasn't the breeze that pushed the hair behind her ear, it was him.

"E – Edward?" Her voice cracked as she spoke. She was numb, to everything; to the pain in her legs, to the pain in her heart, to the numbness working its way from the cold air into her fingers. Of course he'd come, but she couldn't expect him to be there right away, surly things like that take time.

"Of course it's me." He said in an even voice as he pulled his cold hand away from her ear, slowly cupping her cheek. "I'm always here with you."

"No, no, you're not, you left." Bella said, tears still streaming from her eyes. This was the first time that he'd appeared to her for more than a few seconds, warning her not to do something stupid. This was different, he was staying, he was touching her. Was he really there?

"Bella I love you too much to ever leave you for long." He said as he stood up, holding out his hand. The brunette took it immediately, worried that if she didn't he would just disappear into the mist again. He led the two of them back over to the edge of the cliff and stopped, with his heels hanging over the edge, a few loose bits of sand and a couple of pebbles cascaded down the face of the cliff until they were swallowed by the ocean. "Bella Swan, do you trust me?"

"With my life," She replied without thinking, her grip around his hand tightened. The tears still brimmed in her eyes but she accepted that Edward was really there.

Her Edward was there.

In front of her.

No longer a meaningless vision or a faulty apparition; but the real thing, flesh and blood. Well, no blood and the flesh made of stone, but he was there, sure as the water at the base of the cliff and sand beneath her feet.

"If you trust me," Edward began, "Then follow me." Without waiting another moment, Edward freed himself from Bella's grasp and let himself fall backwards into the inky sea below. A piercing shriek escaped Bella's lips as she watched her one true love plummet.

Before he could hit the water below, Bella's eyes snapped open, and once again she was alone. Alone on the rocky cliff, her legs had gone numb save for the sharp pain of the rocks that dug into her. Bracing her hand on the loose sand, she slowly rose to her feat. Her legs shook violently beneath her, partly because of the frigid air pushing its way through her clothes, but mostly because of what she'd just seen. It wasn't a dream or a memory; it was so much more than that. Edward was there, and not just in her mind.

She staggered to the water's edge looking down at the turbulent water below. Again, the voice played over in her mind (his voice.) "If you trust me, follow me." Once again the voice wasn't the whisper of a memory constantly being distorted with time. It was crystal clear, a whisper that bypassed her ear and went straight into her brain.

How was she supposed to follow him? Did he want her to jump? But if she jumped, wouldn't she die? He may have left her, but in her mind, she couldn't believe that Edward would want her to die. He'd told her time and time again that if she died, he would soon follow. Maybe that was his plan, if he could convince her to die, and he were to follow then they could be together without the constant fear that he would hurt her.

Yes, it was for the best.

She would jump.

She stepped up to the edge of the cliff, looking up at the sullen sky. A single tear streaked from her closed eyes down her cheek as she leaned forward. "I love you," she whispered as she picked up speed. The ocean, rushed to meet her, but she never saw it; and she never felt any fear, because she would soon be with the person she loved more than life.

The water parted, allowing her to enter, before binding tightly around her; Bella never struggled though, that would have been pointless for her. She wanted to embrace her death. The cold sea quickly seeped into ever stitch of clothing, weighing her down, so with every passing moment escape was less and less likely.

Even though she didn't want to escape her tomb.

Opening her eyes she exhaled, watching each individual bubble trail its way to the surface, which looked now looked too bright for such a cloudy day. The waves pushed against her, sending shadowy grey figures swirling around her. Her fingers and toes started to lose all feeling; until they felt like heavy lead weights. The numbness continued creeping up her extremities, but it wouldn't become painful, she'd end up inhaling seawater before it could. Resigned to die, once again she closed her eyes, shutting out the painful saltwater and the ghosts living in the water.

When Bella opened them again, she found herself in the meadow, in _their_ meadow; she must have died and been taken straight to heaven. The clearing was in full sunlight, a rarity that no longer seemed to matter. The grass was heavily spotted with wild flowers of every vibrant shade; even the trees had shrugged off the mute, matte green and took on a sheen of their own. Looking around, she found herself encircled in Edward's cold arms. His skin sparkled brightly, only adding to the majesty of the scene around them

"You don't know how happy I am that you joined me." He said, leaning down placing his lips on hers kissing her deeply, breathing her scent in as deeply as he could; for the first time without the danger of the monster inside him lashing out and hurting Bella. For Edward Cullen this was so far beyond paradise, nothing short of pure bliss

"I know how happy I am to be here."

"Then you should know that I died well before you, soon after I left you in fact. I know that you've seen me, heard me. Mostly when you've done something foolish and reckless. I was too weak to come to you, unless I had enough emotion in me, and I thought it best to protect you; then today I found I'd grown strong enough to come to you for more than a few moments. And I couldn't be without you anymore. I had to bring you hear with me." He said, laying back into the grass taking her with him.

"You, you, you killed me?" Bella said trying to break free from his grasp, but it was useless. Edward tightened his grip, pulling her closer to him, until his grip threatened to break Bella's bones. Even in this paradise, the blinding pain began to build; her bones began to creek as they threatened to break. She opened her mouth to scream, but no sound would come out, only a heavy gurgling sound.

"No, no, I didn't kill you; I brought you here to be happy." Edward said, as if nothing were wrong, casually brushing the hair out of Bella's face. For the briefest of moments his hand completely covered her eyes and when it was removed, the sunshine was gone, and replaced by a dull grey light; the brilliantly colored wildflowers met the same fate. The color was still there, but it had become dark and ominous: crimson replaced by maroon, azure by midnight, and teal by olive drab.

She shook her head, trying to look around; Edward stopped moving, his eyes glazed over and had a glassy look to them. His mouth hung agape, like he was about to speak but he'd frozen before he'd ever gotten that chance. Slowly Bella managed to wiggle free of his arms, feeling a thin slime ooze from every nonexistent pore along his arms and face. As soon as she was free of his grasp, he crumpled the ground curling up into the fetal position.

As she watched his mangled body, black ichor quietly seeped out of his eyes, filling the glen with the rancid smell of rotting flesh. Small, black spiders skittered out of his mouth and nostrils, moving quickly over his face, never stopping. In their wake nothing remained but bleached white bone. The spiders flitted towards Bella, who wasted no time in running away, through the thick underbrush. She could hear the spiders as they aptly crawled over the leaves, sticks, and bark littering the forest floor. The forest grew thick around her, reaching for her, ready to drag her to the ground and hold her there until the spiders could do to her what they did to the vampire. Before the forest could capture her; however, she found herself breaking through the tree line and emerging onto a rocky cliff. She couldn't stop her feet before once again she tumbled over the edge of the cliff into the glistening sea below.

Bella screwed her eyes shut as tightly as she could before impacting the water. The dizzying impact made her eyes snap open, stinging immediately from the salt water; her lungs already burned, and her muscles already ached. Through the haze of disorientation, she no longer knew if she was in heaven or if she hadn't even died yet.

Wherever she was, the cold was gone, and it had been replaced with mellow warmth. Instead of floating in seawater she was suspended in bathwater. The currents slowly pushed her up towards the surface, and the waves pushed her down again, until she was finally suspended between the two.

She lay there, watching the shadow figures continue to dance around her, just out of her reach. Finally she could hold her breath no longer, she gasped for air, but there was none. Salt water ripped through her lungs, sending flashes of pain through every fiber of her being. The pain became too great as she tried to cough, but she couldn't. Eventually, she grew too tired to cough and succumbed to the darkness.

The last thing she remembered was a ghostly pale light towards the surface, she tried going towards it, but the waves held her down. The light came closer, and closer, and closer, until the light was on top of her, grasping the dying girl in it's cold arms.

Taking her away from the water.


	2. Chapter 1: The Other Side?

**Judging by the less than stellar reception to the first chapter of this story I thought I would include the argument, or preface, or whatever you want to call it. As you can see from the first chapter, the story starts right before Bella takes a header into the Pacific. Only, what if, instead of Edward telling her not to jump, he tells her too jump. And, what if, it isn't Jacob who pulls her from the sea.**

The Other Side?

She was cold, inside and out.

She'd been cold since those arms circled around her.

Two smooth fingers found their way to her neck, gently feeling for a pulse.

It was faint.

Too faint to hear.

But it was there.

Just barely.

Bella wasn't moving, her chest ceased it's rhythmic up and down. Quickly she laid her head against the soaked girl's chest. Nothing, but the weakening thud of the heart.

The water.

She had to get the water out.

Now.

Tilting her head gently to the side she placed one milky white hand just below Bella's diaphragm and pushed. Nothing happened.

She pushed again. Still nothing.

On the third, water came up in a low gurgle and spilled from her mouth onto the course beach sand. Bella still wasn't breathing.

Again, she moved her hand, to the diaphragm and pushed. More water came out, but still she didn't breathe.

She didn't have much time to get the poor girl to breathe again. Three minutes, the brain can go three minutes without damage; after five the brain starts to die. Carefully she tilted her head back to where it was. Then with infinite care, she pushed her head back, opening her wind pipe. She brushed the stringy hair away from Bella's face, once again checking her pulse.

Thank god it was still there.

She opened the mouth ringed with blue lips. Taking a big breath, she placed her lips on Bella's and blew.

Immediately the soggy girl's chest began to rise, swelled with good clean air. Then it fell.

She waited for it to rise again. But it didn't.

Leaning down again, she breathed into gaping mouth.

Bella's chest rose again, and then fell, and after a tense moment it rose again on its own. Her savior breathed a slow sight of relief, but didn't move. The brunette convulsed once, rolling over to her side and throwing up the rest of the water that was still inside her. When she finished she stayed on her side, inches away from the water she'd just coughed up. Her mind was nothing but a whirl of thoughts. She figured she was dead, but the dead weren't supposed to feel pain, right?

She did, every inch of her ached with the cold; her throat was on fire, the same with her stomach. Her lungs rasped with every breath she took; she started coughing, a violently hacking cough, until bits of fresh blood landed on the sand. "Edward," she moaned, her voice deep with rasp, "Edward, I made it." She trailed off with another fresh bout of coughing.

"No, Edward's not here." She said softly, brushing Bella's hair away. Her back was covered in sand that couldn't be brushed away so easily.

"A-A-Alice," She said, her teeth beginning to chatter from the cold, "What are you doing here?"

"Shh, shh, Bella, everything's all right, just rest. We can talk later." Alice said disappearing off the beach for a handful of seconds, when she came back she brought with her two heavy grey wool blankets. She knelt down beside the shivering girl and pulled a small silver package out of her back pocket. With no real effort she tore the plastic packaging off and started unfolding the space blanket. Tenderly she slipped the silver sheet around Bella as tightly as she could. She repeated the process with the other two blankets as well until she'd mummified the freezing human.

The shivering started again, this time much worse; but this, Alice knew, was a good sign; her body was beginning to fight to keep itself warm. She knew Bella would be in hypothermia once she managed to get the water out of her lungs, but she had no way of knowing that her friend would regain consciousness again so quickly. She expected a few worrisome days of wondering if she would ever completely recover. She picked up the cocoon, gently cradling it in her arms, and started towards the parked car near the edge of the Border. She had to get out of their quickly before the wolves decided to come and poke their wet noses where they didn't belong.

She got back to black Mercedes and carefully laid her bundle in the passenger seat, turning on the seat warmer as she went. Sliding into the driver seat the vampire started the car, slid it easily into drive, and drove off as fast as she could. There was only one place she'd even considered taking her in her weakened state, and that was back to her family's home; abandoned though it was. As she drove she turned up the heater as high as it would go, and Bella's shivering got worse. The driver reached out with one hand and gently pushed back the hair covering her passenger's forehead.

Bella's skin felt as cool as cool as Alice's, and that too was a problem. All of her efforts may have been too little too late, she silently cursed herself for not getting there faster after she saw Bella jump off that cliff, she should have had time. But maybe the decision was made too late, or maybe it was one of those things that were meant to happen.

"No," she said under her breath, "nothing is written in stone." She drove faster, until the engine topped out. It wasn't long until they were pulling into the driveway. She left the car running with the heater still at full blast; Alice darted into the house to get things ready for her guest. There wasn't a bed in the house for her to sleep in but there were more than a few large couches. First she ripped the sheet off of the largest one in the family room, tossing the pillows carelessly on the ground; not standing the thought of leaving Bella alone any longer than she had to. Again she darted out of the house, going to a covered bin in the corner of the garage, pulling out three large, and dry, logs; racing inside she tossed them in the fire place. Cranking up the gas she lit a match and the dozen gas jets erupted into a bright yellow flame, gently licking the dry wood until it two began to burn.

Leaving the fire burning, Alice went and retrieved Bella from the front seat of the car turning it off while she was there. The human's teeth continued to chatter and every muscle continued to spasm uncontrollably. Quickly she brought Bella to the bed she'd created and laid her down, careful not to disturb the carefully wrapped blankets. The room was only starting to get warm; Alice suddenly regretted bringing her patient in so soon, she should have waited until the fire had had more time to burn. But the room soon started to warm up under the warm glow of the fire. She turned off the gas, letting the logs burn without the gas. It was the only light in the room; the sun had been hidden behind a massive black thunderhead, which threatened to burst at any moment.

Leaving her friend once again, she went back out to the garage and pulled the car into the empty garage, before picking a few more logs from the bin. Alice stopped moving for the first time since she'd pulled her friend from the ocean; she took a seat beside the blanketed lump on the couch and gingerly felt her forehead again. It was warmer than it had been in the car, but it still felt too cool to be normal. The shivering begun to subside again, this time for the right reason; her body was getting warmer, and not shutting down. What she needed was a hot shower, but that would be in short supply here, along with the power, the water and gas had both been shut off when they left.

She smiled a little, as she sat next to Bella, wondering if she somehow knew of Edward's death and jumped off the cliff to be with him. It was a sick notion to be sure, but not one that was entirely without foundation. The smile soon erased itself off of her lips, when she thought again just how close she'd come to death, another minute and she'd be looking at a corpse and not at her friend.

Bella's eyes turned up, locking her reddened eyes with Alice's golden ones; her jaw still trembled with the cold, but it was easily managed. "Wh-wh-why did you come back?" Her voice was still raw, it sounded so foreign to them both.

"Bella," Alice said pulling up a piece of the blanket that dislodged itself from around her face, "I never left."

"B-b-b-but you l-l-left." She stammered her voice cracked again with each syllable.

"No, I didn't. I stayed here with you. Making sure you were alright, and it broke my heart that you weren't. I wanted so much to come to you, to comfort you. To tell you that everything would be alright. But I couldn't."

"You couldn't? You couldn't! What kind of crap is that?" Bella said, raising her head and voice as loud as she could; it wasn't even close to a shout, but the anger clearly showed through. Dropping back onto the couch she closed her eyes, her breathing clearly labored.

"Bella, you need to rest. I'll tell you everything tomorrow, but please sleep." Alice said, keeping her voice level and soothing. For the last time that night, Alice brushed the hair out of Bella's face and let her sleep. She heaped the rest of the wood she brought it on the fire and went into the kitchen, fishing her cell phone out of her hip pocket as she went. She had to get the utilities turned back on, preferably before morning.

Bella felt wave after wave of exhaustion come over her, and while she wanted nothing more than to sleep, the dream she'd had under the water played over and over in her mind when her eyes were shut. She shuddered at the thought of Edward, of her Edward, of her perfect and statuesque Edward rotting with flesh eating spiders coming from every opening. Her stomach clenched a few times, threatening to empty itself once again. Why wasn't he there with her? Why was Alice? Tears swelled up in her eyes, she wanted so badly to cry, but the tears hurt her eyes worse than the salt water.

She'd finally seen him as more than a fleeting image, and he convinces her to jump off the cliff, to be with him. That still didn't make sense, every other time she'd heard his voice, it was warning her, trying to keep her safe. She heard it when she started walking in that bar, and again with the motorcycle. It was the reverse of what happened today. Was the dream even a dream; she'd seen specials on the discovery channel about near death experiences. Those people had been so positive that what they'd seen, what they'd been through was real. Some even mentioned the need to die again, in that experience to cross over. But she hadn't died in the vision or in life. She was alive.

Bella wanted so much to be with Edward, even if it was only in a dream.

She settled back into the couch, closing her eyes and enduring the horror that waited for her, burned into your eye lids.

"You were so close, Bella." He said in the softest voice possible, "So close." Edward reached out and stroked her cheek gently through the mess of blankets around her. "You can make it if you try again."

"Try," Bella whispered, worried about Alice overhearing her, "How can I do that with Alice in the next room." She wiggled against the blankets, feeling the space blanket crinkle with each movement.

"Yes, you can make it my love. Once you get out of the blankets go to the fire. Then we can be together again." He said placing his lips over hers. There wasn't really any feeling, because for now he was just an apparition and any contact was purely imagined.

Bella did everything she could to escape the cocoon around her; slowly but surely if came unraveled, first freeing her arms, then her legs, and finally letting her go. She moved slowly out of the foil blanket, still worried that Alice might come in and stop her before she could cross over. She stood up, wincing as her legs filled with hot stabs of pain, and made her way to the fire place. She took hold of the gas key and started turning. The tell tale hiss of the gas was replaced immediately by the bright flickers of blue flame that slowly tapered into a yellow tail. "How do I do it?" She asked her phantom boyfriend.

"Just fall in." He said, wrapping a phantom arm around her shoulder.

"But it will hurt." She rasped.

"Only for a moment and then it will all be over with, trust me." He said, gently nudging her forward, closer to the fire.

She took a tentative step forward leaning down over the hot coals, wondering if this was the right way to go, surely there had to be quicker and less painful ways to die. Maybe she could wait until the fire died out and inhale the gas…No; it had to be done now. She shut her eye's readying herself for the fire below her.

"You're doing well."

Bella felt her knees begin to buckle and she fell forward, ready.

But it didn't come; she'd barely registered the smell of burnt hair she was stopped by a pair of gentle arms. "Bella, what are you doing?" Alice asked dragging her friend away from the fire.

"Alice it was him," She started, her raspy voice threatening to finally give out. "It was Edward, he told me to trust him, that if I died we could be together!" She flailed against Alice's grip trying to get back to the fire.

"Bella, Bella. You can't listen to him, Edward's not here, he's gone." Alice said pulling Bella hard against her chest as Bella started to sob against it.

"I know he's there Alice, I can feel him, I can see him. I know he's here." Tears started streaming down the girl's face. "Let me go, let me be with him."

"No, I won't let you throw your life away because of a figment of your imagination." Alice said, trying to calm the brunette down as best she could.

"But he's real, Alice, I know it." Bella pleaded, finally giving up the fight. Alice was far too strong to actually win against, even if she was at full strength.

"No, Bella he's not. Trust me, I know; you're just tired. You need to sleep." The pixie said, dragging her back over to the couch. "If you sleep tonight, I'll tell you everything in the morning."

"You're not going to leave again?"

"Bella" Alice said laying her back down on the couch, bringing the blankets back up around her, "I was the only one who didn't abandon you. Now go to sleep"

Alice sat by Bella, on the couch until she was fast asleep, before lying down beside her, pulling her close. "I didn't abandon you…because I love you."


	3. Chapter 2: A World Without You

**A/N: Thank you to all those that have reviewed, you are all much appreciated. Secondly I'd like to apologize to Belle Morte Rising; I completely messed up on review replies and sent you the wrong one before I realized what happened. Anyway, please review, and here we go.**

A World Without You

It was early in the afternoon before Bella woke again; the cold grey light continued streaming in through the haze of clouds; twisting itself into cruel shadows as it worked its way through the windows. Two men had already come and gone, bringing with them power and water. Bella quietly slept through it all, but Alice never worried. The vampire had made sure that she was never more than a second away, just in case there was another incident like the fireplace.

Just before Bella awoke, Alice blurred through the kitchen looking for any food that they might have bought for the human that hadn't gone stale or spoiled. Alice had gone shopping for her a week before everyone else had abandoned her and most of it had been thrown away or donated when her family left. There was one exception.

A can of Chicken and Stars soup pushed all the way to the farthest corner of the cabinet. Alice hopped on to the counter and reached for it, cupping it gently in her hand. The first smile in a day crept on her lips as she looked at the children on the front having a little _too_ much fun with their soup. She turned it over in her hand a few times laughing to herself as she wondered why exactly she'd bothered buying it. She always did the shopping for Bella, because Edward never could be bothered to do the little things for her. He always had to be grandiose in his gestures and take the credit. Her fingers clenched around the can as she thought about that selfish arrogant excuse she had for a brother. The can gave way under her grasp threatening to spill its contents all over the tile. She caught herself before that could happen, but not by much. She could hear Bella beginning to stir in the other room as she poured the can into an ill used pot and set it to heat on the stove.

"Alice," Bella weekly moaned as she tried to stretch out of her cocoon of blankets. Every part of her hurt; from her hair down to her toe nails. She didn't even know so many places could hurt, but they did none the less. All the stupidity of the last twenty-four hours flooded into her mind: the hallucinations, the jump, and the attempted suicide by fire place. Her clothes still felt wet, despite how hot she was, and every movement she made rubbed sand and salt deeper into her skin. Miserable was the only decent word that even came close to describing what she was going through. She pried her eyes open, feeling the burn as the first wave of warm air hit them. The smell of a fire still curled up her nose mixing with the distinct smell of burnt hair.

Alice appeared by her side a moment later, "I'm here." Her voice was soft and warm. She sat on the edge of the couch placing her cold hand on Bella's forehead. Her hair was still damp, no doubt from the space blanket wrapped tightly around her. Alice snaked her head down and cupped her cheek.

"Please, explain. I slept, you promised." Bella said her voice even lower than it had been the night before. Alice worried that an infection might set in if they weren't careful. By all rights Bella probably needed to be in a hospital right now, and not on a couch in an all but deserted house.

"Don't worry Bella, I will," Alice said, "But first would you like something to eat." Bella didn't respond, she pointed at her throat and nodded. Alice could figure her meaning. She didn't want to talk because it hurt, hence the caveman speak, but she was hungry. Alice flashed a brief but reassuring smile and went back into the kitchen to grab the soup. She returned a few moments later; carrying a tray with the bowl of soup, a spoon, a napkin, and a small glass of water, "Here you go."

Bella twisted painfully, freeing her arms from the confines of the blanket. Every movement, no matter how small, still pained her; she knew they would for a while. Alice helped her up, setting the tray down in her lap. She took a seat on the other end of the couch and she watched carefully as the brunette carefully dipped the spoon into the bowl and brought it up to her lips. Bella blew slowly on spoonful, scattering the thin wisps of steam, taking it carefully into her mouth. It burned her mouth and down her throat, not from the temperature of the soup, but from how raw everything still was. Sleep had not given her fragile body, time enough to repair itself; in fact it had only given her body enough time to start the process, leaving her in the most pain she'd be feeling.

She repeated the ritual with every mouthful of soup, the fire burned downed her throat and there was absolutely nothing she could do to quell it. Even the water burned as it went down into her stomach. Alice watched her; experiencing every pain, every discomfort. More than anything she wanted to reach over and comfort her, but that was the last thing that Bella would allow her to do.

She wanted answers.

She needed answers.

But more than anything, she deserved that answers.

Alice, of course, knew this. But she knew that there wasn't going to be a happy ending to this conversation; she'd been through every possibility she could think of, and every time her vision ended with Bella balled up and crying. There were varying degrees of how hard she'd cry, but there was never just a light sob; it was always an all encompassing break down.

Bella finished her soup as quickly as she could; her eyes fresh with tears; each bite hurt more than the last, but each bite made her crave the next one even more. It had been more than a day since she'd last eaten, and her body wanted the food to help itself heal. It was a painful paradox.

The petite vampire moved up to Bella's side moving the tray to the floor, Alice had to resist every urge to touch her, because it would only cause her more pain. Bella stared hard into her eyes, making sure her message was received.

_Give me answers!_

"Bella," Alice said, trying her hardest to keep her voice even; a trick that was exponentially easier for a vampire than a human. "There's absolutely no easy way for me to tell you this, but you have the right to know, and I don't have the right to keep it from you." Despite every attempt to keep her voice even, there was a small but noticeable hitch in it, "Bella, Edward's dead." She'd decided on the direct approach, it looked like one of the better options.

All color drained out of Bella's face; her jaw quivered; tears started streaming down her cheeks; she tried to speak but no words would form in her throat, all she could make were a few gurgling sounds.

Alice continued, softly placing a reassuring hand on hers, "He was tracking Victoria, he made it as far south as San Paolo. It looked like she'd doubled back and was heading back to the States. He ran into a small coven of nomadic vampires that took offense to his presence. There were four of them. He managed to take down the first two immediately, the third one took a bit longer but he managed to take him down too. But the fourth one, the fourth got in one lucky hit. And that's all it took, it was over quickly after that. I saw it too late to save him. Bella you have to believe that. But by the time I saw what was going to happen, he was already out of cell service. I'm sorry."

Bella still couldn't speak; she just sank back on the couch, choking on air, as the tears continued leaving wet trails along her cheeks. She gasped for air forcing her voice to work, "W-Wh-When?" She demanded, her voice cracking under the strain.

"Day before yesterday; I got the call from Rosalie yesterday. I came to tell you, but you'd already gone onto the reservation." Alice said, lowering herself to Bella wrapping her arms around the other as lightly as she could. "I'm so sorry." The vampire was sorry but only because it caused Bella pain. She couldn't find it in herself to care that that monster she'd called a brother was dead. After all, it was because of him that the girl he _loved_ was in so much pain: emotional and physical and psychological.

The room went silent after that; the only sound: the brunette's raspy sobs. Alice waited; waited for the news to truly sink in; waited for the news to take its toll on Bella; but most of all she waited for her to be able to accept the news and move on. Each of those things would take time; time that Alice had, but that didn't make things easier. She loved Bella; she always had, and now, watching her like this made her feel pain she'd never felt before. Pain that bypassed all of her defenses and left her almost without any other feeling. She wanted so much, to be able to miraculously fix her, but knew that was impossible. And even if she could would she want to? Or would she want Bella to heal on her own?

"Leave me…" Bella croaked trailing off; the words came out harsh and labored. She had to put too much effort into speaking, it had drained her strength.

Alice took her hand and wiped the tears from Bella's eyes, softly taking the crusted sand a saltwater from there as well, "I haven't left you yet, and as corny as it sounds: I'm not going to leave you now. So when you're ready we can talk." She leaned down and kissed the brunette's forehead tenderly, bringing her mouth to Bella's ear. "And if you don't want to talk right I'll get a bath going for you, you smell like a drowned fish."

As much as Bella hated the idea, she couldn't stop herself from forcing out a harsh cough of laughter. Alice always had a way of making her feel better, especially in all matters that involved Edward, and for whatever reason this time was no exception. As Alice tried to pull away, the pained girl put her hand on the vampire's, a simple gesture. The small vampire looked back into Bella's eyes and smiled. "Bath," she mouthed and nodded her head.

The vampire grinned, helping to work Bella out of the cocoon of blankets that, last night, she put her in. Bella tried to sit up, grimacing, wanting to scream, but not wanting her throat to go through that pain; instead she opted for a pained whimper. It was just enough that Alice stopped and asked, "Would you like me to carry you, or would you rather walk?" Alice was greeted with only a look of contempt from her human patient. "I'm serious." Bella's glare softened; Alice had never in the past presumed she knew what was best for her, and now was no different.

Meekly she nodded her head, trying to blink away fresh tears; the vampire nodded, smiled, and with infinite care lifted her best friend into her arms, cradling her gently in her arms. Bella closed her eyes, imagining it wasn't Alice beneath her but Edward (her Edward.) For a moment she felt whole again. But it didn't last; all too soon she felt the arms cautiously set her down on the cold hard tile counter. "Bath or shower?" Alice asked in an all too cheerful voice. Her question was met with nothing but a harsh glare from Bella, "of course, a bath, if you wanted a shower you could have walked up her by yourself." Her voice became more somber as she saw the dejected and crestfallen look on her friend's face. Alice adjusted the knobs in the tub until the water felt about right. Turning back to Bella, as she dried her hands on the small hand towel, "I'm sorry, but things will be okay."

Again, Bella didn't respond. What was she supposed to say? Even if her throat didn't burn, she wasn't sure she could respond to that. At this point, nothing felt as though it would be right again. The love of her life was dead, truly dead, and she would never see him again. Of course she still had her best friend; but that wasn't the same. They'd all left her and after all this time she should be furious at Alice and the rest of them. But she was too weak to act on that anger now, for now all she could do was allow her spritely friend to do all she could. After a while, she slowly shook her head 'no', feeling hot tears stream once again down her cheeks.

"Yes, yes it will. I know these things. Now strip; I'll be right outside if you need anything." Alice wrapped her arms around the human's shoulders and squeezed them gently, only to notice that Bella didn't return it. Should she have truly expected it? Probably not, but she did. She pulled back, unwrapping her arms, and noticed immediately that her friend had turned a dark shade of crimson, a blush that she could smell just as easily as she could see, "What's wrong."

Bella swallowed, ignoring the fire in her throat, "Help?" she croaked, her eyes darting away, before she squeezed them tightly.

"What…Oh, right." Alice said playing off her initial uncertainty with her charm, "of course."

Bella kept her eyes screwed shut as she felt a pair of strong cold hands lift her shirt up over her head, wincing as her arms moved up, and then back down. She imagined Edward's face in front of her, as the hands moved around to her back and aptly unhooked her bra. She could feel the hands grow to Edward's size as they slipped the bra over her arms, and as it fell to the floor. The look in Edward's eyes was one of pure lust, a look she imagined he'd give her time and time again, but he never did…until now. The hand's let trails of goose bumps down her side as they found the button to her jeans; as they slipped them over her pale legs she couldn't contain a low raspy moan. The hand's stopped, Edward's face disappeared as it faded into the mist, and Bella's eyes shot open. The stark white of the bathroom was disorienting but what she could make out was Alice, her best friend, not Edward crouched in the bathroom floor holding her pants. She shrieked; ignoring the all consuming pain and stiffness in her legs she kicked them out, hitting Alice square in the chest, knocking her off balance enough to hit her head on the edge of the porcelain tub.

The vampire looked back, her eyes black as coal, but it wasn't anger that played across her face, it was shot, and it was hurt. Bella couldn't keep her jaw from quivering as she saw what she'd done, "A-Al-Alice, I-I'm…" she trailed off as she slumped over; her world went grey, then black, then into a void as she began to slide off the tile counter. Alice was by her side an instant later.


	4. Chapter 3: Drowning in the Past

Drowning in the Past

Bella's eyes fluttered beneath her lids as Alice held onto her without the slightest clue what was happening to the girl in her arms. Cradling the naked girl carefully in her arms she stood and walked back to the living room couch, watching all the while as tears streamed down Bella's reddened cheeks. A few times she managed a choking sob that sounded like it went through her entire body; the rest of the time her breathing was shallow and erratic. The vampire laid her on the couch, trying to decide if she was having a panic attack or if she was unconscious. Either way it wouldn't change much; she draped one of the wool blankets around the girl's frame, and held her close, waiting for it to end. Soon her breathing evened out and deepened.

After it seemed that Bella was once again asleep; Alice stood from the couch and went back to the bathroom to gather the human's clothes for the wash. She hadn't been gone for more than a few seconds when a pained shriek tore its way through the house; the vampire dropped the clothes again, using every ounce of her unnatural speed to make it to the living room before the clothes could even hit the hit the floor.

As she got back into the room, Bella lay on the couch thrashing in the loosely wrapped blanket. "Bella, it's okay, you're okay." The small vampire whispered into her ear, "I'll keep you safe, I promise." The human's arms threw themselves around the Alice's neck and pulled her in as close as she could.

Again she sobbed into her friend's neck; the sobs themselves were hoarse and raspy and they clearly pained Bella more and more. In small soft circles Alice rubbed the girl's back, pulling the blanket in tightly around her naked frame. Slowly Bella began to calm down, still clutching Alice as tightly as she could. Her eyes cracked open, gently easing herself away from the vampire she was greeted by a concerned face. "Alice," she croaked her voice worse for wear after the sobbing, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

"Shh, its okay, I'm fine." Alice said softly kissing the girl's warm forehead, "Are you okay?" She caringly locked her arms around Bella, keeping her secure.

"I…I…I thought it was him," Bella started clearing her throat as she went, she tried to speak again, but it hurt too much. "In the bathroom, I thought it was him," She said, lowering her voice until it no longer hurt, "Then I saw you and I panicked. I'm sorry."

"Bella, please don't be sorry, you've been through a lot." She said, cupping Bella's face in her hand. "Now, how about that bath?" The now shivering girl didn't speak; she showed a slight smile and nodded her head once. "Alright then, let's go." Once again Alice lifted Bella and started for the one of the bathrooms upstairs, she'd never say anything to her friend but when her head hit the edge of the bathtub it sent a large spider web of cracks through the white porcelain.

Once upstairs Alice set the shivering girl on the toilet seat lid and drew the bath, no longer trusting Bella on the bathroom counter. Once the bath was full and hot, Alice helped to unwrap the blanket from the human's shoulders and eased her in to the tub, "Want me to wait outside?" She asked once the salt encrusted girl was submerged in the hot water.

She was met with an emphatic shake of the head and a single word, "explain." Bella said after she dunked her head under the water, letting the loosest salt spill out of her hair.

"It's a long story, but I'm sure we have time." Alice said pulling a new bar of soap and a travel size bottle of shampoo from underneath the sink. Alice rarely had need of them, but she kept them in the house in case Bella ever needed to use them. "The first thing you have to understand is my Brother is, was, a selfish child. He had been since before I ever came into this family, and he was all the way until the end. If I had to say one good thing about my brother is that he chose you, and in my mind he chose very well. You managed to somehow bring out the best qualities, of which there are a precious few, and you always seemed to mask the bad parts of him."

"I'm sorry I have to say this now, when I know it still hurts, but you asked me for an explanation and I'll give it to you, my bias, and all." Alice said handing a soapy washcloth to Bella, which she took and to the best of her abilities washed herself. She felt the warm water start to untwist the muscles that were knotted up and down her back and arms and legs and everywhere else. "Edward took the rest of the family and left to make sure you were safe that's right. But it was less about your safety and more about what would happen to him if he hurt you. So when Jasper tried to attack you, Edward could have stopped him without ever having to push you back and into the punch bowl. Without that you would have ended up with a paper cut that night instead of an arm full of stitches. But that incident gave him all he'd need to convince everyone to leave. It didn't matter that all I could see, after he made up his mind, was you crying in bed, and crying some more, and when you weren't crying you were little more than a zombie."

"I told him all of this, of course, but he'd made up his mind. On the day he was going into the woods to tell you, which in my opinion is just as despicable, I told everyone that I wasn't going to be going with them. But since Edward convinced everyone how much danger you were in with us around my decision wasn't met with much acceptance. At that point everyone decided to make me swear I wouldn't see you, Edward went as far as telling me that if I made contact with you ever again that he would come back and kill me. And the look of absolute rage in his eyes told me he was absolutely serious."

"At that point I did everything I could to defy him without out rightly violating our agreement. Because he only told me I couldn't make contact with you, he never said what would happen if you made contact with me. So I guess I can say that I started following you around, not like a creepy stalker. More like a guardian angel or something. But you were clearly too lost to ever really see me, but if you looked you would have. I was sitting two seats over and one row down in the movie theater you went to with Jessica. And when you freaked out and left, I was already in the lobby standing in line to buy popcorn. Then in what I consider the first of your more reckless decisions you started to walk into that bar; naturally I was already there. If you looked you would have seen me on the barstool closest to the door."

Bella listened to the story, hanging on every word, wondering how she could have been so blind that she didn't even see Alice everywhere around her. But then the answer was obvious even if she wouldn't admit it to herself. She'd been so blind to anything but Edward she couldn't have seen Alice no matter how hard she tried. But as she listened she began to realize for the first time how much the small vampire actually cared for her and how oblivious she'd been to it for so long. She truly cared; it wasn't about not saying good bye anymore, because she hadn't left, and that pit of anger that she'd always held on to quickly eroded away.

"Are you beginning to get the idea of how close I've been to you in the past four months?" Bella dumbly nodded to the question, searching her memories in a vain attempt to remember ever once seeing Alice. "And then there were the motorcycles. I'm not even going to mention them, because, well for a lot of different reasons. And then it seems you calmed down for a while until you well, take a header off of a cliff. No reason, no real provocation; and if you wanted to kill yourself, I'm sure you would have done it long before then. Because to me it looked like you were on the mend. You were getting better and that made me happy. It made me happy to see that you were able to actually move past my idiot brother. I also figured that you would start noticing the world around you." And would finally notice me, she thought, making sure those words stayed locked away. "And I hoped at one point in the very near future you'd see me, because I really missed you these last four months. And I was prepared for the inevitable fight that we would have had." A heavy silence came over the bathroom, broken only by the gently ripple of water

"When Rosalie called to tell me about what happened with Edward, you had already crossed the border onto the reservation, and I was planning on waiting for you at your house when I was hit with the strongest vision in my unlife. Normally visions about those I care about are more powerful than others but this one knocked me straight to the ground; something that had never happened to me before. I saw you, in perfect IMAX as you hit the water. As you inhaled, as you hit the rocks, as your last bubble broke the surface, as the current dragged your body under for the last time. I just knew it wouldn't end well so I took off. I broke straight through the treaty line and headed for the ocean. I barely got to you in time, I have to tell you, but a few more seconds, and I don't think you would have survived."

Bella took up the shampoo and carefully started to lather her hair, her arms didn't scream as she moved them with more freedom than she'd managed. She kept waiting for Alice to say something more, to continue on with her story, until she realized that it was over. Still, she wanted the story to continue; or rather she wanted to continue to hear the vampire's voice. "So if you feel like up to answering," Alice started almost sensing Bella's desire to hear her voice, "Why did you jump?"

"Edward," she said in a normal speaking tone only to realize that it still burned to speak in a normal voice. "He told me to jump." She continued in a whisper rinsing her hair off in the still warm bath water. "He said that if I did we could be together again." She rubbed her throat, trying to alleviate some of the pain.

"Figures that the one of us that doesn't believe in an afterlife would be the one to convince you to kill yourself." Alice mumbled fetching a towel from the hall closet, it didn't seem possible to despise Edward more than she had, but trying to convince someone you supposedly love to kill themselves for your own selfish gain caused a new level of hate to boil up in Alice.

"But it was weird," Bella whispered, ignoring the pain in her throat as she spoke, "All the other times I saw him he told me not to do stupid shit like that."

"He'd talked to you before?"

"Yeah, well I'm not really sure. I could hear his voice warning me when I went in the bar, and again when I was on the motorcycle."

"You finished?" Alice asked changing the subject to the bath; when Bella nodded her assent she moved to the front of the tub and undid the stopper letting the sand and salt drain out with the water. Once the tub was empty, the vampire maneuvered her human friend to the edge of the tub and started drying her off, draping the towel over her shoulders when she'd finished. Instinctively Bella clutched the towel tightly around her, shivering into it as the cool of the house met her bath warmed skin. "I didn't get a chance to wash the clothes you wore yesterday, but I have some sweats that should fit you." She was met with an utter look of disbelief, "Hey, everyone needs a comfy pair of sweats." With that she picked up her damp friend and started for the living room.

She set Bella on the couch, still wrapped in only a towel and held up one finger before disappearing into the house for just the briefest of moments, before returning with a pair of black sweat pants and a matching shirt. As she handed them over the house erupted in a series of percussive blows aimed at breaking the door from its hinges. Alice closed her eyes, hanging her head, "I thought I'd have more time."


	5. Chapter 4: To Take his Hand

**A/N: After the last chapter was posted I was accused of plagiarizing **_**Bella's**_** by Jocelyn Torrent in this story. For anyone else who feels that way, and I hope there aren't any, that is not now, nor was it ever my intention. In fact I've talked to Jocelyn Torrent at great length to ensure that this story is not in any way stolen from hers. We've both noted many similarities between the two but the differences between them far outweigh the similarities. So without taking up anymore of your time I ask, as always, that you review if you feel kind, and I hope you all enjoy.**

To Take his Hand

The pounding on the door continued, even as Alice started towards it in even steps. The closer she got to the door the more the scent changed from the enticing aroma of her friend to the harsh sickening smell of wet dog. Each blow to the door shook it in its frame, letting it settle before it happened again; it wasn't one of the wolves trying to open the door, by the sound there were at least two at the door and by the smell there was a third standing behind them. Alice kept her mind focused on the present, not willing to take a glimpse at what the future could hold. It was safer that way, safer for her, and safer for the intruders at the door.

As she closed the final few steps to the door the hammering on the door stopped and the sound of heavy steps on the porch found their way into her ears. Placing one hand on the knob she froze in place or the briefest of moments, hesitating, before finally opening the door; noticing immediately the well defined dents in the wood, another few moments of beating and the door would have cracked and given way. She had been right; there were three of them, each towering over her by more than a foot, and yet if it came down to a fight she was rightly confident in her ability to take all three of them down.

Of course it wouldn't come down to it; she would make sure of that, if not for her sake then for Bella's. Taking a step out of the door she turned her back on the three shape-shifters, an action that conveyed both disrespect and fearlessness, and shut the door. Whatever happened out there, Alice wanted to make sure that Bella was as insulated from whatever was about to happen as she could be. If she was to be brought into it then she made sure that it wouldn't be because of her.

Bella sat at the edge of the couch, straining her ears trying to find out what was going on outside. As the unwelcome guests started battering the door down she'd watched Alice mutter something, but couldn't figure out what she said, or if it had even been aimed at her. She considered, standing up and going to the door, but after what had just happened the human wanted to stay out of whatever was happening.

"Alice is gone now," A silky voice rang through her mind, "you have a chance now. A chance to end it and be with me for eternity. It's what you always wanted isn't it?" Bella shook her head, trying to clear the voice out of her head. She had no desire to listen to it (to him) she wanted to know what was happening in the real world. "Bella, listen to me; she won't be gone for long you have to do it fast."

"Shut up," she screamed to the empty room around her, straining her ears once more to hear what just outside the front door. The walls managed to deaden most of the sound from getting to her, but she could make out the overall sound of raised voices. Shouting meant anger…Anger over what?

"What does it matter what they're saying out there. You know what you need to do." The voice was gentle in its commands but there was still that edge to it that always seemed to prove dangerous. Bella stood from the couch and tentatively stepped towards the front door. If she could just hear, just get a sense of what was happening.

"Why are you doing this?" Again she spoke to nothing but the empty room, but she knew that Edward could hear her none the less. "You're dead, why are you trying to get me to go with you; why do you always have to be selfish all the time." The voice went silent for a moment, and in that moment the injured girl took another step forward, still hearing nothing more than a few raised voices.

"That's Alice talking, not my Bella. You can't listen to what she says, because she doesn't understand what we have. Not even death can truly keep us apart. But it would be better for us both if you came to me, because as much as I want to I can't come back to you."

"You don't want to come back to me; otherwise you never would've left me!" She spun herself around, feeling Edward's presence in more than just her mind, she felt him in the room with her. As she faced toward the couch again the room was empty. Had she really expected to see him sitting on the couch, as if nothing were different? No, she supposed not. But that feeling didn't leave her.

"That's Alice again! I always knew she'd be a bad influence on you. I should have trusted myself to not let you be around her. It was her fault for why we had to leave. If _her_ Jasper hadn't hurt you everything would have been okay."

"But you're the one that pushed me into the punch bowl, that's what split my arm open. You hurt me not him."

"God, Bella, don't you have your own voice anymore! Or can you say only what Alice spoon fed you. Come one, love, you used to be able to think for yourself. Now, I know you want to be with me so take care of it. I'll be right here with you the entire time."

"So when you want me to think for myself, you just mean that I should do exactly what you tell me to do."

"That's not it Bella, and you know it! I've always been able to see what's best for you, even when you haven't. I'm just asking you to trust me this last time. Don't you trust me?"

Bella faltered, her voice wavering, "Of course I trust you, you know that. But…"

"But nothing, I'm asking you to trust me one last time, please."

"I can't."

"Yes you can, you were so close yesterday. You would have made it too if it weren't for _Alice._" Bella couldn't even be sure if he said his sister's name or growled it.

"But how, I don't know if I'm strong enough."

"It's okay Bella, I'll be right here with you, you just have to try."

On shaking legs, the injured Bella turned away from her pursuit to get to the front door and started for the kitchen. Surely there had to be something there that would be able to get her across the threshold and into the awaiting arms of her Edward. It was slow going; each step sent a stab of pain into every one of her muscles. Her love was always there, whispering encouragements into her ear; she could feel his cool breath and the goose bumps it raised on her skin with every word. Soon, she thought, soon she'd be able to forget all the pain she'd endured since he left. And truly be reunited with him. She finally limped into the kitchen and started looking for her opportunity. She'd wasted too much time arguing with Edward. Alice wouldn't be out with the wolves much longer, it was now or never. Scanning the kitchen nothing looked viable. There were no knives sitting on the granite countertops, no loaded pistols on the countertops, no magic suicide pills; all of those would have been too easy to convenient. Real life didn't work like that; did she really expect to see a giant flashing LED sign telling her where to go.

"The oven," He whispered, "Blow out the pilot light, turn it on, and stick your head in it." Numbly Bella followed his instructions as he walked her through all of it. He told her were to find the pilot light, and she did. He told her how to snuff the flame and she did. He told her to turn the gas on and she did. He told her to lay her head on the rack and inhale; and once again, she did.

At first she chocked at the smell of the gas but soon she became used to it. As the gas replaces the oxygen in her blood she began to feel light headed, almost a high. Then things began to feel heavy, first her fingers and toes, and it slowly crept from there higher into her body. She closed her eyes letting the numb feeling take over. In the distance she could feel Edward gently stroking her hair.

Then the numb feeling was replaced by a dull burning that slowly grew in intensity until every bit felt like she'd been doused in kerosene and set ablaze. And then she started to cough and with another breath clean air filled her lungs. The fire intensified in those first few breaths and gradually began to ease.

"Bella! Bella!" A voice called to her in the distance, it wasn't Edwards's voice. It sounded warped and twisted with the distance. Eventually the fire inside of her burnt out into only embers; embers that reminded her of the pain she'd just felt, but allowed her mind to focus on the world around her. "Wake up, please wake up!"

The human stirred, her muscles once again sore and stiff; presumably from the lack oxygen that'd she'd willingly deprived herself of.

"Thank God," the voice said again, "Bella, open your eyes." There was a distant shaking sensation that soon disappeared when Bella opened her eyes.

She found herself outside in the damp air; the green of the trees seemed to spin around her; her mind was still too fuzzy to focus on a single thought. Somewhere in the back reaches of her mind she felt water beginning to soak through the sweats she wore, just as she was aware that she was being pelted by tiny raindrops.

"What did he tell you?" The voice asked, sounding closer than it had before.

Bella focused her eyes, trying to find a voice; she didn't quite believe that the voice was so close. It was Alice, but she knew it was, or she thought she knew. But her voice sounded lower than it should have. Unless she was truly dead and her spirit was still in her body. But that made no sense. She stirred again feeling her muscles protesting under the strain.

"Tell me what he told you." Alice demanded bringing her face just inches away from the still groggy humans. She checked over her friend's lips and fingernails, again, looking for the blue tinge that would indicate cyanosis and further more hypoxia. They weren't there; her lips had already gone back to their normal red color and the beds of her nails were pink.

"It was Edward." She rasped again, her voice burning through her throat, a remnant of the fire that only a few minutes ago raged through her body. Each breath hurt, not so much a burning, but a deep ache. "He told me to do it."

"Bella," The small vampire said, gently stroking the brunette's long hair, "You can't listen to him. Not now, not ever. He's trying to hurt you for his own pleasure."

"But, it's Edward," She responded, "I've always trusted him, and he never hurt me before. He told me that you were lying to me, filling my mind with poisonous lies; that you were trying to keep up from being together." Letting out a dry, hacking cough she closed her eyes again, letting her head relax again Alice's cool flesh.

"That's exactly what I'm trying to do," Alice explained picking up her tormented friend and headed for the house. The gas had been turned off at the main and all the windows opened. The vampire tried her best to keep all possible ways for Bella to kill herself safely out of reach. "Because you have to be dead for you to be together, and I don't want that to happen to you."

"I know; I know I shouldn't have listened to him. Alice I believe you." Bell felt herself being lowered back down onto the couch, and a much softer blanket being pulled over her, "I won't listen to him again, I swear I won't."

"It's okay, I know you won't." Alice leaned down and gently kissed her on the lips, "Trust me." She pulled back, watching as Bella leaned up trying to keep their lips connected to each other. But soon exhaustion and pain got the better of her and she sank back down onto the couch and slept.

A deep, restful sleep. So deep that she never noticed she'd curled into Alice's arms.


	6. Chapter 5: Half of Her is Fading

**Author's Note: Okay, let me set the record straight here. First things first: I didn't abandon any of my stories of FF. I just finished the semester from Hell, it wasn't bad at all but my days were ten to eleven hours long with both school and work and then coming home and doing another two hours (at least) of reading. Secondly I'm apologizing for not updating in four months, but I'm hoping the events in this chapter (I.E the rating change) will make it up to you dear readers. And if in the past four or so months you've reviewed something of mine and gotten no reply, I sincerely apologize and beg your forgiveness. So without me rambling on anymore go and read, and please review it might help to light a fire under my butt (not that I really deserve them at this point).**

Half of Her is Fading

Bella awoke near four that afternoon, the sun had already begun to set over the ocean; the cloud cover, once again kept the ocean's waves from being bathed in the brilliant reds and golds and oranges of the setting sun. Not that the pained human wanted to see any of that today. It wasn't the conclusion of a restful sleep that had awoken her, but the painful throbbing that echoed through her head. Unable to focus her eyes she looked around at the blurry shapes around her, mind refusing to recognize any of the familiar shapes around her.

Gingerly she stretched out, waiting for the pain to spread from her head and radiate throughout her entire body. A sigh of relief passed her lips as the pain didn't flair through her; the dull ache of sore muscles was ever present, but it was nothing earth shattering or mind blowing. It was manageable. She blinked, again, and a third time, the last sent two tears streaming down her cheeks. One from each eye. As the tears fell, the world suddenly came into focus and with it more painful memories.

She tried to kill herself…

Again!

And this time the man she'd always trusted to keep her safe had not only told her to do it, but gave her step-by-step instructions on how to do it, and all but held her hand as she inhaled that horrid gas into her already pained lungs. In fact, she could still smell the gas. It managed to not only weave itself into her hair but also into every stitch of her sweats. But they weren't hers at all…They were Alice's.

Oh, God! Alice was going to be furious at her for trying to off herself again. Would it matter that she fought against Edward as hard as she could? Would it matter that Edward, as always, had won in a battle of wills?

In a moment of blind panic and terror Bella tried to bolt upright, but found a pair of cold arms encircling her. Squeezing her eyes shut again, new memories began to flood through her; most of them were incredibly hazy and were set outside in the now overgrown meadow that served as the Cullens' front yard. But there was another another that happened right on the couch that was as clear as any memory in her mind.

A kiss. A kiss that should have, by all rights, been fuzzy, but it wasn't. She'd kissed Alice – or had Alice kissed her? Did it really matter at this point? She cast a glance over her shoulder as well as her aching neck would allow. "Morning sunshine!" Alice chimed

"Is it morning already?" Bella asked slowly rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

"Nope, it's not even evening yet." Alice replied; her voice muffled as she buried her head into Bella's shoulder.

Neither of them spoke for a while as a heavy silence seemed to settle between it, silently strangling the desire to speak again. Fighting the silence Bella finally whispered, "I'm sorry. Alice, I really am."

"Shh, shh, it's okay Bella. I know you are." Alice felt the human in her arms struggle to turn around; she released her icy grip giving the younger brunette enough space to roll over on the couch.

Heaving, pained sobs escaped through Bella's body as she clutched Alice as tightly as she could, cutting out any space between them. In that moment all she cared about was that Alice was so close; and that when Alice was close the guilt gnawing her insides didn't hurt as much. She felt the vampire squeeze her tightly as she continued to cry.

Alice placed a cold hand on the back of her head and let the girl who'd been through so much just cry into her shoulder. As she wept, the vampire gently rubbed and patted her pack silently. She didn't want Bella to ever hurt this much again, and yet she knew that it would be inevitable; there would come a day where Bella would cry like this again. Alice only hoped that it would be a long, long time from now. She stared out the window into the forest as light slowly began to fade from the world as it sunk into twilight. The contact only seemed to intensify the pain Alice had felt for all those months when she was forcibly separated from the brunette.

Eventually though, the sobs grew quieter and came in shorter bursts at longer intervals until they all together ceased. Bella felt drained and exhausted, but not sleepy; god she'd slept enough in the past few days to last a week or more. She wanted only to stay close to Alice, to never leave her side; nothing else really seemed to mater. Her arms started to go slack and soon she relaxed her death grip on the fabric of Alice's shirt. Pulling back she looked into Alice's tarnished eyes and softly whispered, "Have I mentioned how much I've missed you?"

"I don't think so, but I've missed you so much." She leaned forward and pressed her forehead against that of the warmer Bella Swan.

"Alice, please no," Bella said pulling her head back from Alice's electric touch. Tears brimmed in the human's eyes.

"What?" Alice recoiled.

"Not again, not right now. I – I can't do that right now, I'm sorry." She stuttered, her arms wrapping themselves around her waist. Suddenly she felt like she would throw up again, but she refused to, trying to gain control of her stomach.

Alice fought the knee-jerk reaction to fly back off the couch, but she couldn't keep the look of pure shock off her face. "Bella, I don't know what you're talking about."A total lie, Alice couldn't have forgotten what had happened between them before Bella drifted off to sleep. A kiss, a kiss so simple; a kiss with no build up; a kiss with no romantic pomp, no swell in the music; just a kiss. But a kiss that shook the vampire to the core. She'd always loved Bella, but part of that love was tied up into a big 'what if' that the kiss seemed to shatter all of those walls.

"Alice," A tear ran down from her eye, down her cheek, "Alice, please don't lie to me. You felt it too, didn't you?"

"Felt what?" She had to play dumb, she didn't really want to (she wanted to say yes, but wanted to make sure Bella felt the same thing.) but she had to. Bella hadn't made up her mind yet, no decision no vision; the almost constant indecisiveness of the people closer to her was really starting to piss her off.

"Felt…" She trailed off, what was that feeling? It wasn't a sweeping love, but it was more than casual affection. Was there a term for that beyond the idiotic 'like-like?' "I don't know Alice. Something, something real; something wrong."

"Why would it be wrong; if we felt the same thing?" Alice asked, truly hurt at the insinuation that what she felt was wrong. What they both felt was wrong.

"Because – because…"

"Because I'm not him." Alice interrupted in a moment of clarity, "Because I'm Alice and not Edward."

Heavy silence.

"I'm right aren't I?" A mixture of hurt, sadness, and anger crept into her normally soft voice, "You can tell me."

"Yes," Bella said meekly, "But that's not all of it, there's also…"

"The fact that I'm a girl?" Alice answered growing even more impatient with the questions and the apparent lack of decision making coming from Bella. "C'mon just tell me; quit beating around the bush."

"Yes, that's another part of it; Alice, you're…you're. Hell I don't even know how to say it." The younger of the two said pushing herself away, her muscles decided to freeze up and shoot pain up and down her body. God, how she hated to feel this way, but it was her own stupid fault. Yes, it was about time that she took responsibility for her actions and stopped blaming them on Edward.

"What am I? I'm a vampire, but you already know that and you're clearly not repulsed by that. What is it? What!" Alice's voice grew weary, like a fighter who'd just gone ninety-nine rounds, "Please Bella, just, just tell me."

"You and Jasper; I don't know what the right word is but you're together. And whatever it is we felt isn't going to mean anything as long that's the truth; that's just not right; I can't do that; I can't, I won't do that." Bella rambled, her voice constantly changing pitch and intonation. As much as she tried to keep the physical distance between them she found her fingers drifting towards Alice's tiny hands, until finally the tips of her fingers brushed against the frigid skin of the vampire's palm. Unbeknownst to Bella, something happened; something she never would have happened; a tingling crept up her arm that was so foreign. Embarrassed she looked down at their hands; the embarrassment only grew worse and she looked up again.

Their eyes met the instant Alice spoke, "He knows, and as much as I'd like to say he understands he doesn't. Bella there's a reason I stayed, a reason that I didn't leave with my family. I wanted to be with you; Isabella Swan, I love you. I know you don't feel the same way about me, and maybe one day you will, or maybe you won't, but that doesn't change how I feel about you." Alice's free hand came to rest on the human's blushing cheek allowing it to absorb some of that heat radiating from it. The words she spoke mirrored those she'd said to the unconscious brunette that night after she'd been pulled from the ocean.

"You love me? You love me like Edward loves me?" Bella asked leaning into the cold hand.

"No, nothing like that; Edward was completely selfish. Not once did he really take your interest in mind, he did what he wanted to do, and convinced you after the fact that it was something you always wanted to do. My brother wanted you" She was careful to use the past tense as she spoke about Edward; God knew that she wanted to put as much space between Bella and Edward as she could, "as an object, something pretty he could look at and show off to others, like a Van Gogh, or a rare book. He never wanted you to be real: to think or to feel."

Bella's eyes stung with the slow realization that Alice was right, that she had that nasty habit of being right. "And what about you? If that's what he wanted from me, what is it you want?" He voice wavered from disdain to exhaustion and back again.

"Bella," Alice's hand moved up to the human's warm cheek, "I…I don't want anything _from_ you; I want you to be you, to follow your dreams and ambitions; to have your own opinions and think, even when I don't agree. It's all I've ever wanted and all I ever will want."

"And if my dream was to let myself die, what then?" Bella slowly reverted back to the questioning spirit that existed before Edward sunk his claws deep within her psyche. Although back then there would be at least some art to her questions, they wouldn't be so blunt and so forward.

"Then I'd stop you, because at that moment I would be selfish, but more than that; I'd know you wouldn't mean it. Bella you had the chance to die so many times before, and whether it was an unconscious decision or not you're still here; judging by your history I wouldn't be willing to say that it wasn't luck that's kept you breathing so far." Exasperated, Alice decided to go for broke and closed the few inches between them and gently pressed her lips to Bella's.

The brunette went stiff at first, taken initially by surprise, but when Alice didn't back off in the first few moments, she found herself gradually loosening up and accepting what was happening; sooner or later she more than accepted Alice's advancement.

She kissed back. At first she hesitated, not knowing exactly what she should be doing; the self consciousness slowly faded away as she grew more comfortable. This kiss was nothing like those she'd shared many times with _Him_. It felt sweet; no, Bella decided that was the wrong word for it. Better, yes it was definitely better; but not because Alice was a superior kisser. Simpler than that, for the first time Bella felt that she had some control over what was happening. Before, with _Him_ (because Bella had begun to hate thinking of his name) she had power over what happened. Edward kissed her, if she did something that he didn't approve of, and there were many, he would pull back and make some sort of excuse.

With Alice the old rulebook exploded; for the first time the human felt that she could do what _she_ wanted without having to worry about offending anyone, without offending her.

Somehow she'd managed to maintain her ability to think during the kiss, it wasn't bad though. It was real; her first real kiss. Her hand wrapped itself in Alice's soft spikes and pulled her closer as she ran her tongue around the vampire's cold lips.

Alice liked that idea, almost as much as she liked the way the girl's hand had twisted into her hair; neither of these two things held a candle to how much she loved that Bella was so receptive to all of this, minus the very early initial hesitation. Growing bolder by the weaker girl's advances, the vampire thought she'd push the envelope once again; parting her lips she easily captured Bella's warm tongue, nibbling on the tip.

Bella let out a low moan that Alice felt as much as she heard, as it pushed through both of their clothes before sending up tantalizing tingles up and down Alice's skin. Never the one to be outdone, the smaller of the two followed the moan with a fiercely primal growl of pleasure as she gently eased the injured girl down onto the soft cushions of the couch.

The human's soft hands trailed down Alice's tiny frame finding the hem of her, undoubtedly, pricy top; deftly slipping underneath tracing along her back in random patterns. She easily succeeded in driving Alice crazy with her feather light touches, and continued to do it as she gingerly pushed the top up exposing more milk white flesh.

The vampire's breath caught in her throat in a mix between a purr and a growl; she hadn't in her wildest dreams thought that Bella would take this so far so fast, but she wasn't about to complain. At least not yet. Almost unwillingly she pulled her lips away from Bella's, staring into her eyes. "You can stop anytime, we can stop." She said as she stilled her own hands.

"I don't want to Alice. This feels too right to stop now." The brunette whispered in a gravelly voice as she launched up from the couch to kiss her again. Her hands slid higher along the vampire's back, despite the fatigue creeping into her arms. This was the first time she'd felt this connected to another person in her entire life and she wouldn't consider trading it for anything.

Alice didn't need any other permission once her fears were eased (she knew she wasn't taking advantage of her new love) she slid her hands past the hem of the shirt she'd given Bella after the bath; it was a shame that it would be ripped soon. Gooseflesh raised in sheets as Alice's hands explored the supple flesh hiding just underneath the thin layer of cotton. Once she'd managed to explore blindly Alice ripped the shirt neatly in two, surprising the girl in her arms. Pushing her back down onto the couch the spiky haired vampire began laying a trail of soft kisses down the slim girl's jaw line and neck; pausing only a moment to playfully nip at the pulse point that contained the intoxicating blood as her lips continued trailing down. They moved across the collar bone to the place Alice had in mind, eliciting an exuberant moan from the other girl.

Bella moaned again, her voice once again becoming gruff, as Alice found the untouched skin of her breasts. Everyone knew that Edward was too proper to ever go further than first base, if he allowed himself past the plate to begin with. Her mind was slowly giving way to passion as she clawed wildly at Alice's shirt, finally succeeding in pulling it over her head and tossing it carelessly to the floor.

With tops out of the way Bella pulled Alice back up to kiss her once again; this time it wasn't soft and tender it was fueled by pure primal hunger for one another. Still clawing at the stony flesh hard enough to leave deep scratches on normal skin; she moved them to her partner's breasts, caressing them with as much force as her body would allow.

This last action stoked the fire burning inside Alice even more causing her to rip the pajama bottoms she'd given Bella to shreds in the attempt to gain quicker access to the damp heat pooling between the human's legs. Bella complied, spreading her legs in order to aid Alice's efforts. Once again the vampire broke free of a kiss and moved her head lower, this time though she skipped the slow tantalizing trip for one that took advantage her blinding speed. A split second later she inhaled the scent of Bella's wetness, quickly swallowing the venom gushing into her mouth.

Unable to draw a deep enough breath to moan again, Bella gasped as Alice's tongue took its first tentative lick around the outside of her wet slit. Taking it for a sign that she was enjoying herself Alice continued to tease Bella, never repeating one action too often, and changing her rhythm often enough that she wouldn't get used to it; listening as the measured breaths became quick pants as her climax neared. Moments before that happened she stopped teasing Bella and dove in licking and sucking furiously as the long waited for orgasm rocked through the humans small frame.

Pulling back Alice licked her lips like a predator after its meal and just smiled at her, rising up to lay side by side with her.

"Alice…that…you," She swallowed and blinked her eyes hard enough to erase the little colored splotches in her sight, "no…words. Thank you."

Alice only giggled before saying, "Rest now, I'll be right here."

Bella needed no further encouragement; shivering once, she fell straight into unconsciousness.


	7. Chapter 6: To Rid her of her Pain

**A/N: I just wanted to thank those people who've recently added this alert list, and more so to those new reviewers. I'm glad so many of you are enjoying this story as much as I am. Alright, no more words from me, snap to it and read.**

To Rid her of her Pain

The next time Bella awoke she grew tired of this strange cycle of sleep and wakefulness, since her unfortunate decision making on the cliff she hadn't been able to keep herself conscious for more than a few hours at a time, followed with half that number of sleep. This time, this time was different, this time her own idiocy hadn't forced her to sleep, but Alice. Just the thought of what happened sent a wave of gooseflesh up and down her entire body. Of course the thought was aided by the fact that Alice, still naked as the day she was born, lay next to her; her arm draped across the smooth skin of Bella's abdomen.

Alice used her other hand to gently brush the hair out of Bella's face before leaning in and giving her a soft kiss, "Good morning, sunshine."

The human's eyes fluttered open, taking in the dim light around them, "Is it morning already?" she asked in a voice still a little hoarse and clogged with sleep; a smile turned the corners of her mouth up as she met Alice's eyes.

Alice laughed, "No, sadly, it's only a little after eight. You've been asleep for about three hours." She answered Bella's next question before she could even ask it, not for any other reason but because Bella was far too predictable.

Bella brought her hand up and gently stroked the back of her fingers against Alice's cheek, "You need to go hunt don't you?" She said noting the drastic color change in her lover's eyes and the deep purple circles underneath them.

"I do, but I was going to wait 'til you woke up." Alice said as she pressed her cheek against Bella's, deeply inhaling the scent of her hair, fighting off the urge to cry; she wanted nothing more than to stay in this position for the rest of eternity. "Will you be okay here by yourself while I'm gone?" She whispered.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." She replied with a faint smile.

"Promise?" Alice asked pulling her shirt back on.

"Promise," Bella sighed.

"And no more hurting yourself?"

"No hurting myself, no listening to Him, no running with scissors, no playing with matches, and no running into traffic. Yes Alice dear, I will be absolutely one hundred percent fine. Now go on before you lose control, bite me, drain my blood, and leave a pale corpse where I'm now laying." Bella said making a quick shooing motion with her hands. Not that she wanted the vampire to be gone, on the contrary, she wanted Alice to leave now so she could be back that much sooner.

"Alright, alright," Alice said tugging her pants back on and sliding her feet into a pair of running shoes, "I get the picture you'll be fine. I just don't want anything to happen to ruin this yet; it's too early for that to happen." She crawled on hands and knees back up to Bella and placed a brief, affectionate kiss on the human's lips, just to emphasize her point. And not just because she wanted it; nope, no way in hell it was just because she wanted to do it. At least that's what she told herself.

Bella shivered in excitement as Alice's cold lips moved against hers. Almost instinctively, her hands slid underneath the vampire's shirt and gently caressed her sides before moving up to her breasts. That last action caused a menacing growl to escape the vampires parted lips; even muffled by the human's mouth it was still loud enough send her heart rate into the danger zone. "I think you should probably go now," she stammered, pulling her hands to safer places.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea," Alice replied pushing herself off of the couch and hurrying for the door, utterly embarrassed by her near lapse of control. _You can't much keep her safe_; she chastised herself, _if you're the one that might hurt her. _The door slammed shut as she took off into the woods around her house. This was going to be the quickest hunt she'd ever done, it had to be; she didn't like the thought of being without Bella any longer than she had to. Once she got back there would no doubt be a lot of questions that had to be answered. And answers aren't always pleasant creatures.

Alone in the Cullen's monstrously big house Bella had absolutely no idea what to do. The cable hadn't been switched back on yet; there wasn't enough food in the house that she could cook herself a decent anything. That left lying around…as if she hadn't been doing that enough lately. She rose from the couch, shivering as an unseen draft crossed over her bare flesh, and stretched. The knots and tightness that had so evidently been packaged in her frame were all still there but they didn't seem as big of a burden to her now. A lazy half smile crossed her lips as she rummaged through the still sandy covers on the couch for her shirt, only to find that it had been neatly torn in half and tossed unremarkably on the ground at the edge of the couch.

"Least now I have something to do." She mused, breaking the silence of the house. With a heavy sigh she went to the stairs and took them slowly, her legs still the worst of her. She wound her way up the stars, panting and out of breath by the time she'd gotten to the top of them. Her goal had been Alice's room but she couldn't help but bring herself to look into another's; if only because it would make the other party mad.

Bella eased the door to Rosalie's room open and found it a little like she'd imagined it. Somewhere deep in the back of her mind she toyed with the prospect that the blonde's room was nothing like anyone would expect it; that it would show another softer side to her. Maybe, Bella thought, there would be a mural on one side of the room that depicted a herd of little pink ponies galloping happily across the gumdrop plains. She'd never taken that thought too seriously, but even so she was upset to find that the walls were all but blank and painted a deep shade of blue (or green in the dim light of twilight she couldn't tell the difference).

Cautiously, as to avoid any booby traps that Rosalie might have laid out for the nosy human, Bella went in. In the same place where she heard His voice she could almost make out Rosalie's hostile entrance as the vampire slammed the door shut behind her and said "What do you think you're doing in here?"

Even the mere thought of having that conversation made the human's blood run cold and forced her to race out of the room before the real one came back. She hurriedly shut the door, apologetically touching the knob when it slammed shut, surely Rosalie would know immediately that something was outrageously wrong. And no doubt she'd blame Bella for all of it.

Mouth dry, and thoroughly scared out of her mind, the brunette raced for her lover's room as fast as she could. Shutting the door behind her and pressing her back to it like she was being chased by a deranged killer from a B-rate horror movie (naked no less) Bella laughed at her own stupidity. There was no monster, no reason to run screaming across the house; but it did amuse her for a few moments at least, and accentuated her serious need of clothes. It even managed to loosen the knots in her legs enough for her to move them freely without pain.

She took a few deep breaths as she paced around the room looking for a new pair of sweats, or something equally as comfortable; still smiling from her brush with the ghost of Rosalie. Bella took her time, scanning though the bookshelves of music and movies and actual books, peeking under the bed to see if even Alice had dust bunnies living down there (she didn't), and finally moving to her closet. Beyond the horde of clothes that hung in two long neat rows down two sides of the closet, Bella was amazed to find a huge collection of antiques from the turn of the last century: old records, tin toys, early movie posters, dime and pulp novels, even a couple of old phonographs.

She figured it made sense for Alice to have all of those things; she didn't even have the fragments of her human life tucked away in the dustiest corners of her mind. At least this was a way for her to imagine what it was like for her as a human. She didn't even dare to touch any of the vampire's collection, fearing she might accidentally break something very important to her.

Stepping back she bumped into a low dresser that she casually opened; inside were just the things she was looking for: a set of neatly folded and designer grey sweats. She slipped into them, even if they were almost two sizes too small. Alice would be the only one to see her in them…hopefully. Once dressed, Bella began her journey back downstairs to await her companion's return.

No sooner had she stepped out of the vampire's room, than she heard a growl loud enough to shake the door on its hinges, "Why do you smell so much like her?" He said in voice so calm that it itself was scarier than the growl.

"You know perfectly well why, so quit playing games and just leave me the hell alone!" Bella commanded, violently shaking her head from side to side to dislodge him from the confines of her mind. The last time she'd been able to resist him longer than she had before, but that was before things had changed for the better. Alice had shown her that what she had with Edward bordered on the severely dysfunctional.

"I can't believe it Bella, after all I gave you and this? This is how you repay me." Edward said, the pain in his voice was foul and insincere.

"After all you gave me?" Bella sounded surprised but the surprise soon turned to out and out anger. "What have you given me? In the past week you've tried to take everything away from me that you claimed was most precious to you. The cliff, the fire, the oven; are those the gifts you're talking about, take them back. I don't want them and I don't want you!"

"Bella, Bella, my sweet Bella," He clicked his tongue in disappointment as his tone became that of a parent talking to an insolent child. "Those still aren't your words. Don't you see? Don't you get it? Alice, she's gotten inside your head, she's poisoning what we had; what we still could have. You just have to trust me."

"Trust you?" Bella scoffed, wanting so badly for him to be there. If he was there than she'd enjoy breaking her fist on this jaw and her ankle on his balls, "you keep saying that; but you want me to trust you to kill me. No, Edward. Edward, these aren't Alice's words, they're _my_ words. My words that you managed to steal away from me and turn me into your puppet that would go along with anything you say. That allowed be to actually believe what you were doing was for my benefit, you stole my choice from me, and Alice. You're sister gave them back to me."

"Is that what you want to call sleeping with her? I thought you had morals, I didn't figure you to let yourself being taken advantage of by my sister's libido. I guess I was wrong."

"You can stop playing games now, I'm never going to listen to you again, so you may as well save your breath. Alice didn't take advantage of me; I had control. I had the ability to say 'yes' or 'no' that was something else I never had with you. And you know what, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed your sister's tongue in places you wouldn't ever go." As she spoke she felt Edward's presence in the back of her mind flinch as language that he'd no doubt deem 'crude.'

"If all you want is sex then follow me, and I'll show you what it is that you wanted." He was utterly desperate and they both knew it, he'd just grasped at the last straw and it came up the short one. Now there was nothing left to do but finish him off.

"Just stop, it's never going to happen. If you ever actually loved me you'd want me to be happy; you wouldn't want me to die just to make you happy." Bella started to walk away, but there's only so far she could have gone. After all the spirit of Edward wasn't beside her, it was inside of her.

"Stop right now Bella!" Edward roared from within her mind, "Listen to me, and do as I say!"

Bella stopped cold; a grim look of determination crossed her eyes, "No." And with that simple word of defiance she walked away, leaving Edward's presence behind her. He stayed, trapped in her mind, but now he was a prisoner; forced to shout and rattle the bars but never to be taken seriously.

"Now you'll have to watch ever single second I spend with Alice." She told the room around her as she crossed back into the living room. Scooping up the blankets and scattered clothes, she dumped them easily behind the couch. After brushing what sand she could off the cushions of the couch; Bella sat down, closing her eyes and waited for Alice to return. A small smile on her lips.

Not long after, the front door opened and closed again with a small sigh. Bella's smile only grew when she noticed a shift in the cushion beside her sink down. Without opening her eyes, she leaned her head over and rested it against Alice's frigid forehead, giggling.

"What are you so happy about?" The vampire asked, wrapping her arm loosely around the human's waist.

Bella's eyes fluttered open and met the bright amber of Alice's; leaning in close to her lover's ear she whispered, "He's finally gone."

Alice couldn't help but smile.


	8. Chapter 7: I Gave You Life

I Gave You Life

Bella cracked her eyes open, "How was your hunt?" She asked staring into the newly polished eyes of the vampire. As she waited for an answer she took the back of her hand and ran it over the shorter girl's cheekbone.

"Not as good as your evening." Alice said, bringing her hand up to humans, wrapping their fingers together. Smiling, the raven haired creature brought Bella's soft, warm, hand to her lips and placed a cold kiss on the back of it. For the first time in a long time she was content, spending time like this with the person she'd been longing for since she first knew of Bella's existence. Yes it had always been hard to be in the same room with her before, especially when Edward and Jasper had been around. It didn't take Jasper long to piece together why she'd suddenly become so detached when the brunette new comer was around. He'd come to believe that it had either to be love or hate; after all those are the two emotions that one always quelled in mixed company. And when she'd warmed up at all it was always driven by a joyful moment. The kind of joy that forced him to forget what was happening as the life he'd known began to crumble.

At first he'd felt hurt; it was, after all, a form of betrayal. An affair, in simple terms. But one that the second party, Bella, was utterly unaware of. And it wasn't physical, it wasn't verbal, it was barely emotional, but it was there none the less. Even if he was the only one that knew it. He learned to take comfort in the increasingly rare moments of physical intimacy he still had with his wife; and the even rarer moments of emotional intimacy.

As the days passed; however, and Alice's cover on her emotions began to crack and to loosen, Jasper began to a feel what Alice felt all the time. Maybe her cover didn't really crack (after all Edward remained blissfully unaware during his courtship); maybe he just got better at reading her. And he felt all the love that seemed to seep out of her; it was almost like when they'd first met. Almost.

What he felt from Alice then and what she felt know where essentially the same; the only real difference was amount, what it was then was the light from the full moon. Now it was like he was staring into the sun. And when that realization came to him with the fanfare that only love could herald he decided it was time. To talk if nothing else. He loved her with everything that he was and would love nothing more than to keep Alice by his side until the world ended. But he couldn't do that to her; so one night he left her a simple note. One that only read "meet me," but knowing Alice as he did, the note would be more than enough. She'd see him waiting in any place he chose; or he'd be seen writing the note first and then waiting in the forest. Either way, she'd be there.

And on that bleak December night, when both the moon and the stars where tucked safely from view behind a thick blanket of clouds they met.

"Jasper," Alice said, her voice hesitant, searching for the right words, "I…I…"

"Don't say you're sorry." He told her, his quaint southern drawl lessening the impact of the command, "You don't have anything of the sort; nor do you have anything to be sorry for."

"But-" Alice tried to interject but to no avail.

"No 'buts' my love." He said to her as he walked up to her, his feet making the faintest crunching sound on the frost that covered the forest floor in a light sheet. He stood, towering over his wife, and gently cupped her face in his hands. "Please, let me explain."

And he did, he spent the next hour telling her everything he'd seen, everything he'd felt, everything he sensed from her, and everything else that needed to be said. He told her the difference between the moon and the sun. He told her that no one else knew, and that no one else had to know; at least not until she was ready. He told her that he'd always love her, no matter what she decided to do; more importantly he told her that he'd be willing to stand by whatever decision she made.

Listening to all of that Alice was astonished, she thought she'd done so well hiding her feelings; but could she really hide so well from her husband, the man she'd thought of as her true love for most of a half century. She shook her head out of his hands before wrapping her arms around Jasper's waist and pulled him in tightly. "I never meant to hurt you, honestly."

"I know, Alice I know. And I won't lie to say that I wasn't hurt. But I told you: I'd like you to be happy." He said in his simple drawl. "Right now, seeing you happy would do the same for me."

There was a reason Alice fell in love with him in the first place; and this was that reason. One of them at least. "How is it that I'm breaking your heart and you still seem more put together than I am?" She asked as she stared into his eyes; no matter what she would always be comforted when he was around.

"Because in that way I am an enigma." He said. The corners of his mouth turned up in a smile as he pushed a small strand of hair away from his face; he leaned in and kissed her one last time. "I'd like you to not forget I will always love you."

"Never," Alice said pulling away, "I could never forget your love or what we had together. I'll always treasure what we had together, you were everything to me, and we really were happy. And this just proves it; I just hope that you find someone else that loves you half as much as you love me…" Alice's voice did something that it had never done before: it hitched, "Or as much as I love Bella. I mean it Jazz, you deserve to be happy."

"So do you Alice, and I don't need to be you to see that she's that person for you." He took a silent step backward as he watched Alice give him a meek nod of approval, "My one selfish wish is that I was still that person. I know I'm not, and I won't sabotage you, but…"

"It's a selfish wish," She finished for him, "Mr. Hale you are many things; you are sweet, sensitive, handsome, and intelligent. One thing you are absolutely not is selfish; you're entitled to one selfish fantasy."

"Why thank you Ms. Brandon." He said tipping his imaginary hat to her.

"Now I think I need to think this all over? You were the one keeping me from acting on all of this; now I don't know what to do next." She edged away from Jasper, wondering whether she should stay and talk or run straight into the forest.

"Now this is a day I never thought I'd see. You confused." He smiled and made the decision for them both as he sprinted off into the darkened woods.

Alice shrugged her shoulders, a gesture that said 'yeah, he's right.'

"Alice? Alice, are you all right?" A gentle hand shook her shoulder snapping the vampire out of her trance.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Alice said blinking a few times, trying to focus her mind back on the present. It wasn't often that she got stuck in the past, more often than not she'd lose herself in the future, and that was equally dangerous.

"Did you see something important?" Bella asked, referencing the blank stare that Alice previously had; the same stare the vampire always had when she would glimpse the future.

"Yeah, very important," Alice said with a wide smile, "but not something that's going to happen; something that already has." She stared into Bella's eyes, debating on whether or not she should even retell the story. Deciding against it the vampire decided just to kiss her lover.

"I didn't know you got visions of the past."

"Of course I do, and so do you silly. Memories?"

Bella hung her head and laughed, "I knew that. I swear I did."

"I know sweetie, I know." Alice said gently stroking her hair. "Bella there's something that I need to tell you. And you're not going to like it, I know, because I don't like it."

"More bad news?" Bella was already on the verge of tears, the last thing she needed was more bad news.

"Yeah Bella more bad news. I didn't want to tell you, I still don't, not really. But I have to. " Alice hesitated, waiting for the right words to reveal themselves, but of course they weren't going to. If she wanted them the spiky haired vampire would have to go and get them. "I decided I have to tell you. Because if I don't tell you, if I just let it happen then I'll be no better than Edward."

"No." Bella interjected cutting the vampire off midthought, "You are better than he is, without trying. What would even make you think that you'd be no better than _he_ was."

"Alright, I'll just talk then." Alice said with a heavy sigh, "How familiar are you with the treaty between the werewolf pack and my family?"

"I know a little about it." Bella supplied, "I know that Carlisle made a deal a long time ago that said that your family wouldn't bit a human and in exchange the werewolves wouldn't hurt your family. I think there was something in there about boundry lines between your territory and theres. You're not allowed onto the reservation and...oh my god, you're not allowed to go onto the reservation, but..."

"But I did, I crossed that line to pull you out of the ocean. To save your life."

"Right, I remember that one. It was the best day of my life." Bella began to see where this was going, and in order to avoid that she shifted the focus of the conversation back onto the budding relationship between Alice and herself. "Nevermind, today was the greatest day, but you rescuing me is a close, close second."

"Bella, no, I need to tell you this."

"No, you don't need to, please don't ."

"I broke the treaty by running in to save your life."

"N-no, no, no, don't you even think it Alice. You can't, no you can't, y-you have to stay, you're supposed to stay. You can't. I won't let you." Her voice was unsteady and now here eyes were so full of tears that all she could see of Alice was a vague pale outline of her face and a fuzzy dot that was her hair.

"Bella I'm going to find a way out of this, I swear it to you. I don't want to leave you, I-I can't leave you. I want you with me for the eternity." A determined edge appeared in Alice's voice, "I won't let anyone, _anyone_ take me away from you! Not now, not tomorrow, not ever!"

Bella threw her arms around Alice's shoulders, sobbing uncontrollably into her shoulder, moving as close to Alice as she possibly could, eventually crawling onto her lap, "Were they the ones who were here, yesterday?"

"It was the day before, but yes. Representatives did come by, they wanted to take me back with them on the spot, but I wouldn't let them. Not while you were still hurt, and not while Edward could make you do what he wanted. I had to buy time, and I did." Alice pressed herself against Bella, trying to calm her down by stroking her hair and rubbing her back in slow sure circles.

"H-h-how much time did you buy?" Bella managed to ask, slowly calming herself down. She was hoping for six months or a year...

"One week, that's how much time I got. Exactly one week to make sure you were healthy." Alice hated the sound of that, a week was barely anything to a human, it barely served as a tick on the clock to an immortal.

"A week, that's it!" So much for Bella calming down, she was hysterical all over again. A week didn't seem like enough time to spend with anyone she really loved. "What will they do with you when the week is up?"

"I don't know." Alice answered a little too quickly.

"Alice don't you dare lie to me!" Bella snapped, clenching her teeth together. "Don't you dare."

"No, Bella, I'm not lying to you. I truly do not know what's going to happen. I know that the punishment for violating any part of the treaty is supposed to be death."

"Death!"

"But," Alice continued not bothering to address Bella's exclimation, "I crossed the boundry line to save your life. I think they'll take that into consideration."

"What if they don't, what if..." Bella couldn't even bring herself to say it, "what if they want to kill you."

"I won't let them."

"What if..."

Alice quickly put her finger over Bella's lips, silencing the human, if only for a moment, "No 'what-ifs,' it _will_ work you for the better. You're not getting rid of me that easy Swan."

"Fine, you win. I won't worry." Bella said over the top of her lover's finger.

"If you need to worry I'll tell you when it's the right time to worry. Got it?"

"Yes."

"Don't forget that, Bella. Please." Alice's tone was frantic and serious. It wasn't a request, it was by and large a command. One that Bella didn't quite understand. But until she couldn't, she'd comply with Alice's wish. If only to keep her smiling. When Alice was upset she was a force to be reckoned with and the human had no want to get into that battle. At least not at the moment.

"I won't. Now can I ask you a question?"

"Of course, anything. Unless it's about the right time to worry, then you'll just have to wait and see."

"No, no it's not about that." Bella chewed on her lip, refusing to move from Alice's lap. "I've been here for a while and I haven't talked to Charlie at all. He has to be worried about me. Have you talked to him?"

"No, I haven't. But I have a little bad news; his friend, Harry Clearwater, passed away from a heart attack the same day you took your swim. Your father's been helping his family make all the arrangements for it." Alice explained, shifting her position to better accomodate Bella on her small frame.

"Is he alright?" Bella asked as she helped Alice adjust her position.

"I don't know, what little I've seen of him in my visions he seems to be alright. But a call from you would might do a lot to helping him through it." Alice suggested.

"That's not a bad idea. Do you have a..." Alice's hand disappered into her hip pocket and came back out with a slim cell phone, "His number's already programed in. Thought it might come in handy one day."

"Thank you," Bella placed a gentle, almost heisitant kiss on Alice's lips, "I'm going to call him right now. Do I even have to tell you?"

"That I rock, that I'm a goddess, that you don't deserve to kiss the ground I walk on? No I already know that." Alice asked.

"I was going to say that you were awesome, but I supppose what you said works to. Even if it is _extremely_ egotistical." Bella said, actually hopping off of Alice's lap to go call her dad.

"Hey! I resemble that remark." Alice called after her.


End file.
